The Resurrection

I was 26 when I became a widow.  I had 3 young sons and a baby on the way.  Jax was 6, Josh was 3 and Jordy was just 1 year old.  Our world was crushed in an instant and we were left holding the pieces trying to figure out how to put it all back together.  It’s been over 10 years and I find everyday that this is still a learning process for us.

As I ponder the life of Jesus Christ, his atonement, his death, and his resurrection I am truly inspired.  I have a testimony of my Savior and I love him completely.  I find great comfort and strength in his atoning sacrifice for my sins and my sorrows.  It is the only thing that could have saved me, and has gotten me through this trial of grief and loss.  Recently in a meeting at church the question was asked, “Why does having a testimony of the resurrection bring you feelings of hope and determination?”  The word determination was so interesting to think about.  A story from my past came flooding back into my mind.  The spirit was so overwhelming when I answered that question in my heart.  

It was a mild spring day in March of 2004.  It had only been a few weeks since we had buried the love of our lives.  I say lives because, my boys loved their Daddy completely.  The loss they felt was to their core.  They cried everyday for their Daddy to come back.  I decided to take my boys up to visit the cemetery where their Daddy had been buried.  The grass had recently been laid and anyone that saw it would know that someone recently lost their life and had been laid to rest there.  I parked the car and we all walked slowly over to the spot in the grass that was our Daddy’s.  I sat down while my kids looked around and played for a minute.  I wasn't prepared for what was coming next and I will never forget it.


Josh who was 3 years old came over to Jake’s grave.  He got down on his knees and began to talk to his Dad.  “Daddy please tell Jesus that he needs to come back down now so you can come back too.”  He looked at me with sadness in his eyes, but also a little hope. Tears rolled down his tiny cheeks.  He said it again but this time he put his hands down on the ground and put his face very close to the grass so his Daddy could hear him better.  “Please, daddy, Please." he pleaded.  "Tell Jesus it’s time to come back so you can be alive again.  I miss you and you need to come back now.”  I couldn't hide the tears in my eyes as I tried to explain to my 3 year old little boy that even though we wished Daddy could come back to life it wasn’t time yet.  He sobbed in my arms and asked me if we could just dig him up to make sure.

I wanted Jake to come back too.  My heart ached for him and I felt that I couldn’t live another day without him.  How could I explain to my three year old what I didn't understand either?  I shared every sob and irrational thought that my little children had.  We wanted him back, we needed him, we couldn't survive with out him.  It was time for Jesus to come back so we could be relieved of this awful pain and misery that was our existence now.

     
      We left the cemetery that day empty handed.  Even with the prayer's and plea's of a little boy that needed his Daddy.  Jake didn’t come back to life and come home with us like we so desperately wanted.  We have left the cemetery dozens of times since then, every time empty handed. 

I think about Mary going to mourn for Christ at his tomb and finding it empty and I can imagine how she felt.  I am sure at first the feelings were close to panic wondering where he was and who had taken him.  I am not sure, however that I can even comprehend her feelings when she heard the words, “He is not here, for he is Risen”.


So back to that question- "“Why does having a testimony of the resurrection bring you feelings of hope and determination?”  My testimony of the Resurrection gives me hope, because I know that one day we won’t leave the cemetery empty handed. The pleadings of a 3 year old little boy will finally be answered. The words, “He is not here, for he is risen” will apply to all of us, and there will be no more grief and mourning in our hearts.  It gives me determination to live my life following the teachings of Christ and enduring to the end so that I will be worthy to have the blessings of an eternal family when that day comes.  The Gospel of Jesus Christ is true.  The Savior died for us and took upon himself the sins and sorrows of the world.  He was resurrected and I know that one day we will all be resurrected as well.  
    
       The amazing thing about God's plan for opposition in all things is that when you have been through excruciating pain and anguish you know that one day you will experience exceedingly great joy and happiness that is equal to the pain you felt.  This day for me will be the day that my family is reunited, all of us together again, forever.

My Name is Julie and I have a testimony of the Resurrection that gives me hope and determination!