My experience of tragedy, trials, and triumphs!
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Wednesday, July 2, 2014

It's a Boy...Again...

(First off...NO, I am not pregnant, nor will I be!)

Waiting for Cam to come 6 years ago:)

When I found out I was pregnant with another boy (this would make 9 boys!) I was devastated.  If I can be brutally honest I was depressed.  I wanted a daughter my entire life.  Growing up I thought I would have all girls.  I grew up with a lot of sisters so for our family having a boy was rare.  When I found out I was pregnant every time I was shocked...each time it was a boy.  Usually the sadness would last a day or two and then I would get excited about having a boy.

With Cam I stayed upset about it a lot longer than I did with the others.  I was dealing with a lot of emotion being pregnant again.  The last time I had been pregnant Jake was dead, so it brought up some unexpected grief issues as well.  It was also a bit strange to be pregnant with a different husband.  It doesn't make any sense now, but at the time it was emotional.

I planned to give birth naturally with Cam.  I had a bad experience giving birth to Jacob with the epidural so I was worried that would happen again.  After 13 hours of painful all natural labor I finally delivered Cam.  When they placed him in my arms I had the most amazing experience.  

As I looked into my baby boys eyes, I knew he was mine.  I knew he was meant to be my son and I was his mom.  I didn't want a girl, or any other baby in the world.  I wanted him!  I wanted the babies that were meant to be mine.  He melted my heart and from that moment on he would fill my soul.

It completely changed my perspective on having children.  It was a spiritual experience that was so healing and such a blessing for me to have.  It taught me a lesson that God's hand is in our lives in all things, great and small.

Cam is a fighter and lives life to the fullest!  He is such an example of resiliency and enjoying the journey...not just enduring it.  I love him to pieces and thank my Heavenly Father everyday that I get to spend with him.  He tells me all day long that I am "the best mommy ever".  He is sweet and loving all the time.  I am so grateful that he is mine.

Happy Birthday Cam!!
I'll post about his party in the next couple days!

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